Monday, July 5, 2010

Baby Blog Take II

Dear Maia,

Hi little girl! Welcome to the world! You're beautiful you know. I always thought babies were ugly, but you're not at all. Except for the divot in your skull. It looks like a sheer cliff wall just below your hairline. But don't worry, your head had to be soft so you could get out of Micaela's belly. It'll get strong in a few weeks.

Maia, I think we're going to be great friends. I can tell because you were born on my anniversary! It was nice of you to give up your birthday like that. Other kids have ordinary parties but I can promise you fireworks every year to ring in your birthday! Cool, huh?

I do have to apologize though. I wrote about you this morning. Bad move! I tried to be funny about how crazy and cool and godly our families are, but I ended up sounding cynical and offending people. I didn't mean to Maia. I really didn't. I love our families a lot, and I think your mom and dad are gonna be the best parents since my mom and dad! You're lucky to have them. And they're lucky to have you.

But just so you know, if you want the inside scoop on your folks, I'm the only person in the world who lived with both of them for at least three years. I'd be willing to barter some helpful information in exchange for a few of those pureed Gerber meals. Anything but the peas.

Here's some free hints for you to kick things off. Your mom loves to be woken up abruptly. Loud noises are the best. Physical contact is also a plus. Anytime you get the chance to jump on her while she's sleeping, take it. It will really make her feel loved.

And your dad? He hates alone time. Sometimes he goes into another room with a book and shuts the door. He only does that when he's really lonely and sad on the inside. He wants your company. Whenever you notice him sitting somewhere peacefully, do whatever you can to make sure that he doesn't feel bored.

As far as Grandma and Grandpa Drake go? They don't really like little children, so you should probably wait until you're ten or eleven to see them. I'm pretty sure it's the same for Grandma and Grandpa Cavanaugh. Maybe even older.

So that means that you should hang out with me the most. I'll show you how to sit on a couch, drink soda, eat pizza, watch sports, and sleep. You can be my buddy. My plan is to teach you everything I know about life. We'll cover the NBA, farting, tetris, and movies. It will take an hour so we should probably plan for sometime after my nap-time and before yours. That way we'll both be at our best.

You should also know that I got a speeding ticket today for you. That's how important you are to me. I was rushing to the hospital to meet you, but the policeman wanted me to slow down. He was a strict policeman, but he was right because I was there way before you.

That made my anniversary a little less happy. And just when I was feeling sad I saw what my blog was making people think. That made me even more sad! It scared me because I didn't want Toby and Micaela to think that I wasn't excited about you! I'm so thrilled I plan to kidnap you occasionally as soon as you're big enough that I won't accidentally break you. I took the blog down right away Maia, but I felt so sad and misunderstood.

I guess I just want to tell you so that you know that I love you. And that you're a special baby. You sure had a big impact on my day. If you asked me this morning how I'd feel after a speeding ticket and a misunderstood blog I'd have guessed BAD, but after one look at you and your cute little ears, it was worth it!


~ Uncle Matt

PS - I'll frame that speeding ticket for you, so you remember how important (and expensive) you are!


  1. Hey Matt, Congrats! sorry to hear about the speeding ticket... that's a bummer. What a whirlwind day! I read the first blog and was surprised to see that some took issue with it. I thought it was harmless fun... but what do I know.

  2. Fantastic, Matt - you should frame the speeding ticket and she should frame this.

  3. Awesome. lol. i still feel that way about my sibling's children, and we have #30 on the way...I missed the first baby post, but I love this one. :)