Slow and steady is the new life for me. I used to consider myself a crazy, high energy person who would shrivel to death if kept in an office for more than three hours. Boy was I wrong. In fact, I was wrong about most of my office-life assumptions. Did you know that working at a desk can actually be enjoyable? I had no idea! The TV show had me confused!
During these last two months I've been learning about organization, administration, and details. And here's the crazy part - most of the time I really like it! It's a great feeling to successfully open a bank account for a brand new missionary. It's interesting to learn an elaborate filing system and to use it daily. It's wild to navigate through WordPerfect using the key-stroke shortcuts.
Maybe my life predicament is actually by Divine design. I don't know why yet, but someday I'll need these skills. The world will be on the precipice of destruction, but I'll save the day with an appropriately filed and easily accessable document.
But perhaps even more significant than office skills, this season has given me time. It's something I can't remember ever having. I've had time to think and process and begin to heal. It hasn't always been pretty. I've struggled with discouragement and a deep sense of loss. At first I didn't want to feel the pain, but being part of everyday office life has helped me find acceptance.
Second to blogging the office has been the key cog in my recovery. Blogging has been my salvation. It's an incredible forum to wrestle with emotions and to pursue a greater degree of authenticity. It has enabled me to explore the cracks in my foundation. I've found freedom to write almost anything, and with it the liscence to ask questions I've been afraid to ask. Wrestling with God through my personal failures may in time prove to be the best thing I've ever done.
You're really on to something about the writing. Your blog is quickly becoming one of my favorites. I love how you write and I keep thinking to myself that someday this will be a book. I love blogs that are authentic and lay it all out there, but not in a my life sucks kind of way. (And I love how you're a superhero in your mind.) So anyway, right on and write on. I think you've already got quite a readership.
ReplyDeleteI grant you my approval. :)
Hey Matt I really like your blog. I've learned a lot and am still learning a lot about life and what it is to be authentic thru my own failings and shortcomings and selfishness. I grew up as well thinking I was a certain way, a certain personality...and thru circumstances and life I have seen things in myself that is just ugly and have struggled with things I never thought I would struggle with. But I am glad I am coming to a place where I can be real with who I am and where I am at and move forward slowly in God's grace (which is all I have). Two things I know for sure is I don't like what I see and I certainly don't want to stay where I am at. Anyway, thanks for being honest, we need more people to be honest in this world(Especially the Christian world).
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today. Thanks for writing. I appreciate your thoughts. ...I'm at home learning how to make PB and J and a zillion other things at once. Being at home all day with little kids also really makes you see who you really are ... and drives me to pursue the only One who can make me different. Tell your wife that I said hi.
ReplyDeleteThe world will be on the precipice of destruction, but I'll save the day with an appropriately filed and easily accessable document.
ReplyDeleteWrestling with God through my personal failures may in time prove to be the best thing I've ever done.
love it!