Monday, June 7, 2010
Slow and steady is the new life for me. I used to consider myself a crazy, high energy person who would shrivel to death if kept in an office for more than three hours. Boy was I wrong. In fact, I was wrong about most of my office-life assumptions. Did you know that working at a desk can actually be enjoyable? I had no idea! The TV show had me confused!
During these last two months I've been learning about organization, administration, and details. And here's the crazy part - most of the time I really like it! It's a great feeling to successfully open a bank account for a brand new missionary. It's interesting to learn an elaborate filing system and to use it daily. It's wild to navigate through WordPerfect using the key-stroke shortcuts.
Maybe my life predicament is actually by Divine design. I don't know why yet, but someday I'll need these skills. The world will be on the precipice of destruction, but I'll save the day with an appropriately filed and easily accessable document.
But perhaps even more significant than office skills, this season has given me time. It's something I can't remember ever having. I've had time to think and process and begin to heal. It hasn't always been pretty. I've struggled with discouragement and a deep sense of loss. At first I didn't want to feel the pain, but being part of everyday office life has helped me find acceptance.
Second to blogging the office has been the key cog in my recovery. Blogging has been my salvation. It's an incredible forum to wrestle with emotions and to pursue a greater degree of authenticity. It has enabled me to explore the cracks in my foundation. I've found freedom to write almost anything, and with it the liscence to ask questions I've been afraid to ask. Wrestling with God through my personal failures may in time prove to be the best thing I've ever done.